Tell me what to improve on in my writing?
I want to know how my for-fun writing is. I made this in 10 minutes.
It started in a flash.
A moment before, Red was walking to his school; and the next, he was in a dark desert. There were no stars, and no clouds either. How random! Red looked around in the boring landscape and saw a man a distance away carrying a sword. A fur coat covered the swordsman, and his face was hidden with a hood. The fur-warrior, within less than a second, stood less than a centimeter in from of his student prey.
"I believe I remember you. I made you a Fallen nine months ago. I guess you are a Revived," said the swordsman.
Red made a baffled face.
The fur-man turned around to face the direction opposite of Red, and spoke.
"Your security really sucks, Damascus," the swordsman said in a drunk-like voice.
"Seems so," answered a person Red couldn't see. The student shifted to get a view of whoever said these words.
In the hands of Damascus, a bow was ready to be fired.
Consistency: It's like Austen novels.
They don't say, "I believe the weather is very fair outside. Shall we go for a walk?"
and turn to someone else with modern day talk, "Sure baby, let's blow this popsicle stand.
As well, the swordsman becomes drunk within a moment? Weird?
Description: There should be more location described, enough to make me feel like I was there. The temperature?
Setting: Relates to desciription. What time of year? etc.
Understanding: I had trouble understanding who was who. Is Damascus the swordsman or the guy who fires the bow? Or...I was just really confused. Expand please 
You have some good ideas, & if you continue to develop the points above then it'll be much better.
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