Tears.
They fall down her face
As she sits there remembering the way things were
She remembers how he loved her
How he touched her
How kissed her
How he LEFT her
She closes her eyes
And wipes tears away from her face
Angrily, she screams into the night
She asks herself why
Why he left her
Why he loved her
Why she NEEDED him
She reaches into her pocket
And pulls out a shiny blade
As she runs her finger over its sharp edge
She realizes that perhaps he never really loved her
Placing the blade against her wrist
She thinks,
"So when I do tis sinful little act
He wont care"
Cutt ONE
"He never really cared at all"
Cutt TWO
"He never really loved me"
Cutt THREE
She keeps cutting
Until her head feels light
And her breathing is shallow
SIXTEEN cutts
A sense of helplessness seizes her
No one will love her
Not NOW
Not EVER
All she'll ever have
Is the BLADE that erases her PAIN
You know, repetition does not only hammer readers with what's happening, it dulls the "shock-value* you apparently are hammering us. CAPS doesn't make this any better, use proper enjambment. Find a rhythm too. Also, this is such a superficial poem. There's no soul, it's just, oh this is what one would feel if s/he cuts. BUT it is for your friend, so i suppose it's not bad, s/he is your audience anyway. For you to post it online is quite a suspicious thing, I would say. In any case, if someone is cutting, it'd be best if you help them to stop.
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