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Can you give me input on what i have so far?
im kinda stuck...but what do you think on what i have so far?
On the bench by a tree
With the cool, breeze from the blistering sun
A gentle wind passed and
Something collided with my shoe,
I glance down, I see a letter
“To Whom It May Concern:”
The title seemed odd
As if they had let it float away on purpose.
Should I open it?
What if it doesn’t concern me…?
“To Whom It May Concern:”
The edge of the paper was crumbled
And the shade of the paper was beige
It had a vintage look to it, as if it had gracefully drifted for years
And I read again
“To Whom It May Concern:’
Don’t you think its time to empty our minds?
Half the time we are just faking the thoughts
No reason to when we don’t act on what we’ve been taught
And just close our eyes and become blinds
Now the truth hurts
But once it’s heard we can try to reverse
The mistakes we know now, we are alert
Let’s fix this before it becomes worse
You are working very hard to get us to relax. The first wrong turn is at "Blistering Sun," which does not cause cool winds. Next, I had a hard time with the container. You should tell us straight away what has hit you on the foot.
The good news; you have a very solid idea here. It's OK to ramble and let us bump our heads, but you should have the theme do that, not the objects. I'm a dunce, I need clear pictures so I don't get stuck. TD
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