What thoughts on this 'Have You Ever Seen....' poem?
The hobo, seen through willows
past my screen,
walking shell side of a bayou
highway,
half his life in a poled bag
over his shoulder...
beyond, past, away
from my screen
this cold, slight sunrise
morning...
and I, seated on old wood,
warm, sock-swaddled feet,
watch him.
The black bayou water
flows past us both...
waters of no passage.
Eye....do you write creatively, or with ultra-fixed sets of rules that have been around for thousands of years...oh, correction...*elipse for reader-pause-inducement* 1,000s of years ago, there were taboos, not rules.
it's really good, i just think that you can get rid of the "...", they break the rhythm of the poem.
and the last stanza needs revision "waters of no passage". you should write something like "the uncrossable waters"
and the second line in the last stanza is a little awkward.. try something like flows between us.
Items Recently Purchased From This Site:
